NO Regrets?
Some people say they have no regrets,
How about you?
I have a few…
Well at least two,
But I’ll tell you about just one.
When I first heard the song My Way, by Frank Sinatra it stirred something in me. My favorite line still is: “Regrets…I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.” I liked the honesty and the optimism. I didn’t have any regrets at the time, but my soul knew they would come soon enough. I was 10.
I just finished listening to The Power of Regret: How Looking Backwards Moves Us Forward by Daniel H. Pink. Pink discovered that even though people all over the world have tattooed “No Regrets” on various body parts, it turns out that many of us do have regrets—even regretting the tattoo. And, if you haven’t seen the film “We’re the Millers”, check it out! It’s hilarious and there’s a famous scene with a boy and his misspelled tattoo — “No Ragrets”.
From his vast research, Pink distilled all regret into 4 Core regrets:
- Foundation Regrets—wasting time when you should have been building your life, education or career. Example: Goofing off in school instead of doing the work.
- Boldness Regrets which people suffered from the most—regretting not doing something because you were too afraid. Example: Not asking out the pretty girl or, not taking a trip because you were too scared. It’s when you didn’t take chances.
- Moral Regrets—when you didn’t do the right thing. Example: When you bullied the new kid in school or, when you stole something. There were an inordinate number of stories of regret from people who acted as bullies when they were young.
- Connection Regrets—when a relationship came apart and you didn’t do anything to fix it. Example: When you should have reached out to a friend and never did—and the friend died.
It all boils down to this—we either regret something we did, or something we didn’t do. Pink calls these Regret of Action and Regret of Inaction. It turns out that more people suffered from Regret of Inaction–what they didn’t do—the chances they didn’t take, rather than the ones they did.
Despite all of the regrets reported by thousands of people all over the world, there is good news—we can do something about our regrets. Even if the person involved is no longer alive.
With Inaction regrets—you can take action– do something now to make things right. With Action regrets—you can say you’re sorry and make a different or kinder action to fix it.
Ultimately, kind actions is the name of the game.
And my big regret?
Not joining the Air Force when I graduated high school at 16. I know that the discipline of the military would have agreed with my temperament. I also know that the military would have paid for college and I wouldn’t still be paying off student loans. I would have travelled on Uncle Sam’s dime too. And best of all—I would have learned how to fly.
That seed was planted when I was 14. On a trip to MacArthur Airport in Long Island, New York—I looked up at the sky, stared at the airplanes, and for some reason decided that I wanted to learn to fly.
Fast forward to 1987 on my 25th birthday. My then husband gifted me flying lessons—best present ever! I joined a local flight school where I was the only female in class. On day one, our instructor told us that 85% of students fail the written test required to pursue flying. The guys laughed nervously.
I’ve always been a good test taker so I followed my old strategy—I studied hard, prayed hard and relaxed on test day. I passed.
Next came the flight simulators which I never quite got the hang of. I think I didn’t fully understand the instructions. Doubt set in. Could I really do this?
Finally, the day came and it was time for my first real flying lesson—in a real airplane.
My instructor Jim and I walked out to the area of the airport where the small planes were parked. We approached a cute little airplane which had just 2 seats; its wings were below the seats. I learned that this was called a Piper Tomahawk. My instructor told me that visibility is better in Pipers because the wings don’t block your view. I later had to fly a Cessna (it was the only craft available that day)—where the wings were above the seat, making visibility a bit challenging. I never did that again.
There is an orderly manner to flying whether it’s a small plane or a big one.
Every flight begins with the pilot walking around the airplane and visually inspecting it for any damage. Opening the gas cap that’s typically located on the wing and checking that you have gas, is pretty important. I learned that Texaco gas is the best for your airplane and your car—at least according to one experienced instructor. That same instructor always repeated over and over in class—“weather will kill you!” What he meant was—always check the weather report before heading out, and if necessary, cancel your flight plans. He also told us that it was the same for sailing. Apparently many pilots are also sailors.
After the visual inspection I finally climbed into the cockpit. This felt awkward because I had to climb onto the aircraft, rather than just walk onto the plane. I sat on the right with my instructor on my left. We each had a steering wheel and the same controls, just like in Driver’s Ed class—thank goodness!
Whether a pilot is making her first flight or her 100th, there is a Flight-Check Manual which you must follow, step by step, before taking off–every time. Even though it becomes incredibly monotonous, it creates a groove in your brain and muscle memory in your body. Once all steps are completed, you drive your plane, same as a car, onto the runway and wait for permission to takeoff.
I couldn’t believe how easy it was to just pull back on the wheel and lift off. Of course, I slammed back down. Ok so it wasn’t that easy. On my second attempt, I lifted off and to my delight—I was flying!
Small planes basically fly themselves and the pilot simply steers the wheel while looking out the windows to make sure no other planes are in her way. Because this was Los Angeles I flew above the smog where it was clear and beautiful. It felt so serene up in the sky. I also loved turning off the engine and turning the plane into a glider just before landing. I wasn’t eager to land back into dirty air though.
I loved my flying lessons and looked forward to them. The next big step for a pilot in training is flying ‘solo’—flying the plane alone. I had been expecting to solo for the past two weeks as I had logged many flight hours, but every time I thought “Today’s the day!”– Jim wouldn’t give me the green light. I got tired of flying the same flight pattern over and over the airport till I was bored. He knew what he was doing though.
Finally–when I least expected it, after a short flight and a normal landing, Jim climbed out of the cockpit and said, “Ok, you get to solo today.” Oh crap!
Feeling both nervous and excited–I tentatively drove onto the runway, radioed the tower and asked for permission to take off. I breathed slowly, ignored the fact that there was no instructor beside me and lifted off. It was just me and my little airple circling over Long Beach airport in Southern California. When I glanced over and noticed I was alone, I kept saying to myself—“Jim is next to me. Jim is next to me.” It worked!
Next came the final test–landing. All that was required today, was for me to fly a simple pattern over the airport and land but, when I radioed the tower and asked for permission to land, I was told that an MD80 was on the runway and that I had to use caution. I didn’t know what an MD80 was and knowing that the guys in the tower weren’t fans of females pilots, I didn’t ask them. Instead, I told them I would go-around for a second loop. Thank God my instructor made me practice that safety maneuver many times before.
I went around — the MD80 was gone — it was a commercial airplane on the runway, and I made a perfect landing. Jim ran up to me and ripped off the back of my shirt (he actually cut it nicely with scissors). This is an age-old tradition amongst all pilots who complete their first solo. All of the instructors signed the torn cloth, and it was hung on the wall of the school along with all of the other ones. I was beaming. I was one of them now.
For the first time in my young adult life, I reached a goal I had set for myself. I sometimes still wonder how my life would have turned out, had I joined the Air Force. When I start to feel a tinge of regret I tell myself that I took action and did the best I could. I can live with that. How about you?
Hoping this sticks!
Stuck On Books 